Where Do I Find an Ulpan for English?

Hello, my loyal readers. Sorry for the recent lack of posts. Life as an oleh chadash is busy as always and I’ve had a packed few weeks with stand-up shows and other things. A couple weeks back, I was asked to perform for at a conference for Techshoret, an organization of technical writers and communicators. Here’s a short clip (if you don’t find Microsoft Word jokes amusing, feel free to call us dorks and keep on reading…..yes, I was a technical writer back before I realized that this type of writing is far more rewarding).

What else can I tell you from my last couple of weeks? Just a couple of thoughts:

  • I know this isn’t news and, yes, I might be the last person to figure this out, but Machaneh Yehudah kicks the hoo-ha out of Shuk HaCarmel (ech omrim “hoo-ha”?) I was in Jerusalem last Shabbat and had a lovely walk thru the shuk (does the use of the word “lovely” automatically make me old or am I aging regardless of my vocabulary?) Ten minutes in the Tel Aviv shuk on a Friday makes me want to put my head through a window. (Ech omrim “put my head through a window”?)
  • Now that winter seems to be officially over….wow, that was pretty brutal, Tel Aviv. I don’t know how we did it. In the meantime…see you at the beach!!!

I think that’s all for now. I’ve missed you guys!!! (Anybody still here?)

Back to our regularly scheduled program.

Do you like impressions? Here is my impression of me examining various cleaning products at the store earlier this week.

Panatpantastayak…what the hell is Pant Steak?”

The first non-Israeli to correctly identify this word wins a prize.

(Thanks, Stacey, for the graphic.)

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  1. Amanda March 11, 2008 at 1:59 pm #

    Thought you’d find this humorous…


  2. Silver Spring Alan March 11, 2008 at 3:27 pm #


  3. DJaffee March 11, 2008 at 3:30 pm #


    words in english spelled out in hebrew are ALWAYS the hardest ones to read…

  4. mort March 11, 2008 at 3:42 pm #

    I’ve been here for 14 years.
    I work at the largest daily newspaper in the country, for cryin out loud.
    I still can’t ever figure out the word ‘washington’ when I see it in hebrew.
    and ‘tekes’ (ceremony) always looks to me like texas.

  5. Miss Worldwide March 11, 2008 at 7:32 pm #


  6. sabra March 11, 2008 at 11:57 pm #

    1, i get nachas every time the audience laughs
    2, yes, “lovely” makes you old.

  7. Esther Kustanowitz March 12, 2008 at 12:23 am #

    This summer, you need to come and see the night scene at Machaneh Yehudah…amazing what they do there, creating a vibrant music/bar life where midday the streets run with pedestrian traffic and occasional animal refuse.

  8. Benji Lovitt March 12, 2008 at 12:25 am #

    Ooooh, fun! Sounds like the Peach Pit After Dark!

    And….we have a winner! Good job, Silver Spring Alan! Let me think about your prize and get back to you.

  9. Baila March 12, 2008 at 1:25 am #

    I was so happy to discover “Fantastic” in Israel. Alas, its not quite the same as the old one.

    And yes, saying “lovely” means you have entered a new era of your life. Careful, now. The pot belly is soon to come.

  10. Ilana March 12, 2008 at 4:17 am #

    I’ve always said that Jerusalem has everything you could ever want, except the beach. Now if we could move the beach closer or move Jerusalem, it would be perfect!

    “Lovely” just means that you have switched from coffee to tea, possibly decaffinated tea. The cure would be a week of “botz” every day and having a chat with my mizrahi flatmate from Rishon. On the other hand, it may have been the Jerusalem air that made you think that the shuk was lovely in the first place. Anyway, lovely does not designate old because if you are old then I am one foot in the grave–and we can’t have that.


  11. Benji Lovitt March 12, 2008 at 4:29 am #

    I’m not worried about the belly, Baila…but my hairline has decided on a plan of “hitnadkut” (my forehead is wearing orange in protest).

  12. Talia March 12, 2008 at 4:52 am #

    LOL – Happens to me all the time – and my Hebrew is almost as good as my English!

    The TV show Invasion was called Plisha (פלישה) (direct translation, actually) in Hebrew, and when my sister saw it written in the EPG, she was like, What’s Felicia?

    So it goes both ways. :-)

  13. mort March 12, 2008 at 7:16 am #

    A google search for “pand steak” gives only two results: this blog, and a picture of some guy in his bvd’s.
    I defy you to tell them apart.

  14. mort March 12, 2008 at 7:17 am #

    “pant steak”

  15. Daniel March 12, 2008 at 10:40 am #

    Peanut Stick

  16. "Robert's brother" March 12, 2008 at 11:43 am #

    That one was too easy. But why do I still look at the signs on the street in Hebrew for “LOTO”, and I still think they say “iGis”. If you can tell me what igis is, I would appreciate it.

  17. Stacy Tenenbaum March 12, 2008 at 1:49 pm #

    It’s Fantastick. Even better- when I was there in ’92, I saw a billboard for “Colon Detergent”. A more proper spelling would have been “Cologne”.

  18. Danny Brothers March 19, 2008 at 2:58 pm #

    Yes, the Colon detergent is still up and running. Actually, I think it’s number 1… pretty sure it’s all the Anglos buying it just for the sake of humor. I know I always buy it! I am definitely going to make a post on my own blog about that one… Sorry Benji, snooze you lose.


  1. The Maccabeats, Purim, and Mr. Ed’s Israeli Cousin | Benji Lovitt - March 20, 2011

    […] one quick pic, in the spirit of my old “Pantsteak” experience from 2008.  Walking in Tel Aviv on Friday with my friend Julie, we came across […]

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