Hello, my loyal readers! Have you missed me? Six days in, Part I of my trip is over and I’m now in Texas, having spent three days in Atlanta. Before we jump right in:
1) I’m leaving my apartment. If you want an amazing deal, see here.
2) I’m “competing” in the JobMob guest blogger contest. Click here to read “An Idiot’s Guide to Finding a Job in Israel”. I’ll be oh so grateful.
Now…some thoughts from the United States (because that’s where I am):
- Because of the timing of my flights and when I picked up my rental car, I had to arrive at the airport four hours before my flight to Texas in order to avoid paying for an extra day for my car. Thank goodness for the TVs at the gates.Hey, did you hear there was a hurricane? Jesus, CNN and the like have no problem covering the same story over and over and over again which is fine when there’s actually something new to report. After the first straight hour of Hurricane Gustav coverage the other day, I was about to throw the TV out the window. The “new news” is that while Gustav has left, Hurricanes Hannah, Ike, and Josephine are all on the way. How can there be so many? Are they Hassidic?!? While unreported by the mainstream media, Gustav apparently followed Dovid, Ephraim, and Faige.
Fortunately Israel is pretty much immune to those types of natural disasters. What would an Israeli hurricane be like? “Dees jahst een. Hurricane Idan has hit the Mediterranean coast. While rezeedents were slow to evacuate, they were spared when Idan slept till noon on Saturday.”
The ehhh of the storm.- Of course I wouldn’t have to watch so much CNN if the wireless internet at the airport didn’t cost EIGHT dollars. My fellow Americans, I’d like to introduce to you to the word “freier.” And no, I DON’T mean me. No way was I paying that (although I have been spending a lot of time at Starbucks where you can receive two free hours of wifi a day by keeping a balance on your Starbucks card.) If the Iraqis can dream of democracy, I guess Americans can dream of free wireless.
- Speaking of drinking coffee, here is me every time I come to America: “Wait, how do you say ‘hafuch’ in English? Is that a latte?”
- I had almost forgotten about one of the most annoying jingles in the history of television. Shortly after it finished, I shoved a hot iron poker in my eye.
- Hey, kids! Here’s something fun about the US of A! I love shooting the shawarma with customer service people like, say, the airline people behind the counter, especially giving them a pre-emptive “how YOU doing today?” before they can even ask me. If they ask me first, I one-up them and raise the chipperness by a factor of ten.Retail Lady: “Good morning, how are you today?”
Me: “I’M FANTASTIC! HOW ARE YOU TODAY???” Then we play “ring around the rosy” and do a conga line.
- Like I said before about airport security: Repeat after me, TSA people…if Israel doesn’t do it, no one should. Why in the world do you arrive at Atlanta’s international airport, only to go through security coming INTO the country, claim your luggage, and have it taken away from you to RE-claim it at the baggage claim? So annoying. Wearing flip-flops does make the security check much easier when you have to take off your shoes. Thanks, Richard “Shoe Bomber” Reid for being a real pain in the tooseek to billions of flyers a year. One guy ruins it for everyone. So if I attack a pilot with a laptop, will they not allow those either? How about vomit bags?
More later….I’m going to bed. Laila tov, America. Boker tov, Israel!
So when people do stupid things, like in the vonage commerical, does that refer to paying for wireless service?
I thought ‘hafuch’ was cappucino, which you would know if you ever went to Cafe Joe’s…
In the Chicago airport, I set off a scanner, was pulled out of line and searched. What was the suspicious object I was carrying? A foil wrapped moist towellette. Yeah, I’ll be taking over the airport with that.
(Do I look like I’m kidding?)
Hey, I resemble that chassidic remark!
Chafuch is latte. They put the steamed milk in first for latte. For cappucino they put it in last. Take that, Cafe Joe’s (I call it Cuppa Joe’s, but I guess in Hebrew that distinction is erased).
Words are such a problem in communication.
you know you could find a fairly decent chumus in the states these days. probably not musbacha and definitely not achla, but worth a try – try picnic time or sabra at your local supermarket!
ROFL! I be laughing my tooseek off. (Tooseek??? I wonder if that would pass my mama’s euphemism test…) You deserve the hot poker for even bothering with TV. What an amazing waste of brain cells, especially now that you can fry your brain on “Srugim” with the rest of the Israeli young people. Hurry Home. We miss you! Israel isn’t quite as funny without you.
As for your chumus withdrawal, I have three words for you: New York City. We’ll get you to your garbanzo equilibrium again in no time.
Hafuch? You can also try a Misto, which I believe is mostly steamed milk.
Bubbele, if America uses its “aid packages” to hand out “buy in America coupons” to needy countries, do you really expect free wireless usage?
Akiva, you resent it or resemble it? The Chassidic have a lot of kids; I’m just sayin’. My aunt has 11 (although no Faiges sadly.)
I may have to try chumus in NYC just to see if it’s now not as good as I remember. Although I will definitely cringe at the prices.
Isn’t free wireless pretty standard across the West? Ok, somebody write me in come November. Lovitt/Rafaeli: Free Wireless You Can Believe In.
ok — get this. my brother, who lives in atlanta, had his deodorant taken away from him when he returned home from visiting us in israel. he didn’t understand why he needed to hand it over. he just kept repeating,”but this is my destination. i’m done, home, the end.” “sorry sir, regulations. no liquids in your carry on…”
Nikki, that is officially the greatest comment of all time.
Come to Encino–we have Aroma AND Chummus Bar (terrific!) AND Super Sal AND you can get Achla here too!!!! (Oh- AND Steimatzky’s….You don’t have to make ALiyah to be in Israel!!! Mamma Sue
Esther beat me to it, but you really should stop in NYC for your fix of chummus. And you’ll cringe at the prices in Manhattan, but if you stop in Brooklyn, on Coney Island Avenue near Foster Ave I believe, you get really great falafel–you can refill with was many balls as you want as many times as you want.
Check first, though. It’s been a while since I’ve been there.
Sue is right, Aroma is good. So are Sassi and Bocca.