BREAKING NEWS: Gaza War Turns Nuclear!

January 9, 2009 Categories: Current Events, I Love Hebrew, Israelis Make Me Laugh, Now I'm Just Being Silly, The War Zone by 15 Comments

This just in: WE’RE IN A WAR ZONE!!!!

CNN said so, people, so it must be true. In fact, my camel Chumus-hump just took two bullets to the solarplexus. EVERYBODY FREAK OUT!!!!!!!!!

I don’t want to cause mass panic here but this conflict has turned nuclear. Even though you may not see it on most news channels, I have proof from the cafe at the entrance to Binyanei Ha’uma, the Jerusalem convention center. Check this out.

Take a look at the first dish: salat morag. It contains “גרעיני חמניות” (garinay chamaniyot), sunflower seeds. No big deal, right? Let’s take a closer look at the translation.

WHAAAAAAAT?!?! NUCLEAR SUNFLOWER??? WHAT IN THE HELL ARE THEY PUTTING IN THIS THING???

Could the IDF be passing military secrets through the menu of a non-descript eatery? Are they no longer passing them through tacky Israeli t-shirt messages which clearly no native of this region can understand? And are we planning to use this salad? And if so, does my kupat cholim cover any effects of nuclear fallout? If I grow a second head, I hope it knows how to read my bank statement.

I’M GOING CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks, Shoshana!




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15 Comments

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  1. Sarah Fisher January 9, 2009 at 2:31 am #

    Love IT!

  2. Sarit January 9, 2009 at 2:59 am #

    Do you or any of your readers know if the following is legit? http://pizzaidf.org/

  3. Benji Lovitt January 9, 2009 at 3:02 am #

    It looks like it from all the articles in the press center. How about http://www.ChickenFajitas.com?

    Mmmm….

  4. Margo January 9, 2009 at 7:12 am #

    Truthfully, I’m more concerned about where those so-called “baby leaves” come from.

  5. nikki January 9, 2009 at 7:33 am #

    ahhh… but can they pronounce it in english?

  6. Eema-le January 9, 2009 at 10:38 am #

    Awesome!

  7. Ms. Missive January 9, 2009 at 11:40 am #

    Do I smell a “chinglish” spin off? What could we call the Israeli version… hmmm… How baout “Hebrish”?

  8. Amalia January 9, 2009 at 12:48 pm #

    http://pizzaidf.org/ is legit as are
    http://burgeridf.org/ and http://www.honestreporting.com/a/smilecampaign.html which
    allows you to send a supportive message to an IDF soldier along with some free goodies!

  9. Sue January 9, 2009 at 1:01 pm #

    The pizzaidf.org is legit —it has been iin existence since the Lebanese war and I have sued it–as for the “goodies”–I know them- Gillie’s Goodies is a great place- but it isn’t free- The message is free- but f you want to send “goodies”–it costs— IN the meantime, stay safe! And Shabbat Shalom if that is at all possible!

  10. Anonymous January 9, 2009 at 1:21 pm #

    pizzaidf is definitely legit. i have been using them for YEARS. the deal in our house is whenever we get a pizza, THEY (idf soldiers) get a pizza. the site also provides burgers, soup, ice cream, sufganiyot, etc. depending on the season.
    lynne

  11. Marty January 9, 2009 at 2:23 pm #

    What a bargain, nis 32 and a great afterglow!

  12. Benji Lovitt January 10, 2009 at 11:44 am #

    That last comment was so ridiculous that it’s going bye-bye. Bye-bye!

  13. Ari January 10, 2009 at 10:21 pm #

    microwaved?

  14. toby January 13, 2009 at 8:33 am #

    Tremendous!

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  1. What the Hell Did *THEY* Eat at Their Game-Watching Party? | Benji Lovitt - February 9, 2011

    [...] I have laughed at the menu gaffes. [...]

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