“Day of Rage” Schedule Uncovered

My latest from the Times of Israel…
This past week, the Palestinian people called for a “Day of Rage” against Israel. “Walid A” uploaded his schedule from the day to his Facebook page. A translated recap is below.
6:35 Smash alarm clock with sledgehammer
6:50 Take freezing shower, hate world
7:05 Consider switching allegiance to Islamic Jihad for cottage cheese being runny
7:37 Drive to dry cleaners to pick up ski mask
7:42 Lose dry cleaning ticket, smash fist through window
8:11 Pick up registration package and commemorative “Day of Rage” visor
9:02 Dress rehearsal for “Day of Rage” flash mob
9:48 Uber ride to rally cancels. Get pissed as hell, slash neighbor’s tires
10:00 Walk to rally, send apologetic text to neighbor for overreacting
IMG_4781-3
10:43 Rage
11:41 Rage more
12:09 Catered lunch runs out of kebabim, lash out at world
14:00-16:00 Afternoon nap
16:07 Tea and baklava with local imam
16:30 Up your rage game by listening to “Death Metal” playlist on full blast
16:48 Punch each other in balls, reach peak rage
17:02 Make bulleted list about similarities between Jews and pigs
17:45 Upload angry selfies on Instagram, tag Roger Waters
18:18 Convince foreign journalists that Israel was responsible for JFK assassination
20:00 Go home
20:05 Check email
21:00 Launch Kickstarter video for upcoming Pallywood video starring Carrot Top
21:09 Complete “Day of Rage” Surveymonkey evaluation form
22:00 Decrease rage by meditating to Enya
22:39 Floss
23:00 Go to bed, congratulate self on rageful day

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