Top 10 Reasons Xmas Sucks in Israel

Shalom from Limmud UK, the “mothership” of the Limmud conferences. It’s my first time here after attending several Limmuds in North America and Israel. Despite an annoying cold which has hampered my ability to schmooze, have fun, and perfect my queueing (the national sport here, so I hear), I’ve presented three sessions which have gone great. Hoping the next few days are better than the last (we’ll see how well my British cold medicine works).

A few days late, here’s my latest from the Times of Israel: The top 10 reasons Xmas sucks in Israel.

10. It’s hard to fill stockings when they’re hanging on the drying rack all winter.

9. Our Chinese food is terrible.

8. “Ruti, the Red-Haired Freicha” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

7. You can’t deliver presents when Santa’s elves are always on strike.

6. If you set up a manger scene outside your building, the municipality tries to tax you on it.

5. The reindeer get confused when they can’t find any chimneys.

4. When you knock on a door to sing Christmas carols, a security guard pops out and asks to search your bag.

3. If you put up a Christmas tree, 85% of Tel Aviv dogs will pee on it.

2. Every taxi driver claims to be one of the three wise men.

And finally….

1. Santa keeps getting shot down by the Iron Dome.

Merry Christmas to all!

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